Sunday, June 30, 2013

A Matter of Days



December 21, 2008

Dear Family,

I'm sorry to be the bearer of sad news, but things have changed a bit here in Snowflake. Dad is having a very difficult time swallowing, and Uncle Alan says unless things change it will probably be just a matter of days before he slips away.

Alan told mom that he would arrange for dad to be brought home. They will put a hospital bed in mom and dad's room. That way mom can be with dad all of the time, and he won't have to be alone. The nursing home staff is wonderful, but dad just lies in his bed all day now, and they can't have someone with him twenty-four-seven. He could go to a hospice care center where someone would watch him all the time, but that is in Show low, and it would be too hard on mom.

Moe and the girls and I went out to the Carriage House after church to see dad for a little while. He was partly awake, lying in his bed. He kept lifting his hand, pointing his finger, and kind of shaking it. The thought crossed my mind that he was trying to make a point, as if he had been telling me something and wanted to emphasize it, but mom wondered if he was pointing at people we could not see, so we would know they were there.

In one way, this is probably going to be a very difficult Christmas, but in the other, how wonderful! Think of what a perfect Christmas present it will be for dad, to be able to see the Savior and have Him welcome him home again! I think that perhaps this will be the most spiritual Christmas any of us have ever been blessed to enjoy, and I thank our Father in Heaven for loving our family so much. We are truly the luckiest people in the world to be able to call grandpa dad, and to be his and mom's descendents.

I love you all, and wish you the happiest Christmas!

Love, Aunt Gale

Saturday, June 29, 2013

"I Love You"



December 16, 2008

Dear Family,

I am getting really excited, because I am going to get to see a lot of you in the next few weeks. I'm sure glad Nathan is getting married, so Phillip and Tammy and their family will have a reason to come visit. I'm sorry we won't get to see you, Julie, and your family, but we did get together not too long ago, and it was fun!

Things are about the same here in Snowflake. Dad sleeps most of the time now. If you put something in his mouth he will usually chew it up, but he keeps his eyes closed. Last Sunday when we were leaving the nursing home I gave him a hug and a kiss and told him I loved him. Dad whispered back, “I love you, too.” It's been a long time since he has responded like that, and it made me cry. He also told mom goodbye, but by the time Sharon hugged him he was too tired to even whisper any more, which made her very sad, darn it all.

We will be thinking about all of you during the next few weeks, and hoping you are happy and well. We sure do love you.

Love, Aunt Gale

Friday, June 28, 2013

We Each Have to Grieve



November 17, 2008

Dear Family,

Things have been a hard here in Snowflake this past week. Mom hasn't been feeling well, and she worries a lot about dad. She feels bad about not being able to care for him as much as she wants to, and would really like to bring him home, if only she could.

Last night we had a simplified family meeting; Aunt Sharon and Uncle Colton, me and Uncle Moe, Uncle Alan and Aunt Linda, and mom; and we talked about things.

Uncle Alan told mom that she could bring dad home right now, but it would be different than it was before. We would need to get a hospital bed for him and we would have to hire some help, even though all of us would help take care of him, too. Dad has reached a point where it takes two people to move him, and they need to be available pretty much twenty-four seven. It was hard for mom to hear this. She has been counting on getting well so she could bring dad home and take care of him herself. When Alan explained the situation she decided that, at least for right now, it was probably better to leave dad at the nursing home. He is comfortable there, and they are taking good care of him.

The other thing that Uncle Alan stressed was that dad is slipping away quickly. He reiterated what he told us last summer, that he does not think dad will make it through the end of the year. Then he said, even more strongly, that he would be AMAZED if dad lasted through January. He admitted that he has been wrong in the past and he will be wrong again, but from his experience working with people in hospice, he really feels that dad will not be with us much longer. I don't think mom was prepared to hear this. She has been thinking things could go on like this for years and years.

Friday night mom and I also talked with the hospice nurse, who basically said the same thing. Apparently, with dementia, people gradually digress until they go back to being in the same stage as an infant. She said that right now dad seems to be somewhere between infancy and a two year old. Still, he appears to be comfortable. Sometimes he seems to have a little pain when he is moved, but once he is settled he relaxes and is at peace.

I'm sorry to be the conveyer of such bad news, but all of us are going to need some time to prepare. Uncle Alan reminded mom, and all of us, that we will have to go through the grieving process. We will have feelings of guilt for not doing more or for not being able to be with dad during this time. We will probably be angry that dad won't be here for our little ones to get to know, or to give us advice, or to hold us and comfort us and take care of us any more. Each of us, in our own way, is going to have to find peace and say goodby, and it isn't going to be easy.

I, for one, am really having a hard time figuring out how to feel right now. I really want dad to be able to go quickly and without suffering. I'm worried about mom's health getting even worse with the stress and strain. At the same time, I feel terribly guilty for almost wanting dad to die. I really don't want that at all. I just don't know how I should feel. One thing I do know: dad loves us, and even though he may be far away physically, he will be close by spiritually. In fact, once he is free from this mortal body, I think we will each have the blessing of feeling closer to him. Perhaps that is why mom has to go through this time of separation now, so she will be able to recognize that closeness after dad passes on.

Years ago, when dad saw the musical version of the movie, “Goodbye, Mr. Chips,” he told me he wanted one of the songs sung at his funeral. Well, I made a copy of it and am sending it to you so you can learn it. Even if we get lucky and the Millennium comes in the next little while and we never have to sing it at a funeral, it would still be wonderful if we learned the words. It could be our Russell family motto, “To Fill the world with love”, just like dad tried to do.

I love you all,

Aunt Gale

To Fill the World With Love
from Goodbye Mr. Chips

In the morning of my life I shall look to the sunrise.
At a moment in my life when the world is new.
And the blessing I shall ask is that God will grant me,
To be brave and strong and true,
And to fill the world with love my whole life through.
(Chorus)
And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love my whole life through
In the noontime of my life I shall look to the sunshine,
At a moment in my life when the sky is blue.
And the blessing I shall ask shall remain unchanging.
To be brave and strong and true,
And to fill the world with love my whole life through
(Chorus)
In the evening of my life I shall look to the sunset,
At a moment in my life when the night is due.
And the question I shall ask only I can answer.
Was I brave and strong and true?
Did I fill the world with love my whole life through?
(Chorus)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Grandpa Lost His Mine (d)




November 10, 2008

Dear Family,

Guess what? It snowed here last night! Just a little, but it makes it feel more like the holidays. I hope all of you are having a happy fall. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all get together this year? Oh well, maybe someday.

We found out why mom has been so tired lately. She has pneumonia! Uncle Alan is taking good care of her, though, and she should get feeling better soon. Dad is doing OK, but he has been kind of uncomfortable the last few days. Hopefully he will also get feeling better as soon as mom is able to go out to visit him again.

I went to the Carriage House to see dad today, since mom is too sick to go. I fed him his lunch, which he didn't eat much of, but he tried. I am impressed with the staff at the nursing home. They are all so kind and patient, and they really seem to love dad. The nurses have commented more than once on how sweet he is. I guess they see all kinds of patients, and sometimes dementia can cause people's personalities to change. Dad seems to have just become even kinder and nicer. The young nurses have also commented on how blue his eyes are. They are, you know.

Russell went quail hunting in Cochran last weekend. When he called to tell me it reminded me of the time we all went camping there. We had a great time, didn't we?

Then I remembered a Saturday a few years later when dad went with us to show us where Grandpa Johnson's mine used to be. It was in the same area as Cochran. I got a phone call later that afternoon from our neighbor. She said she had seen Kami in the backyard, and asked her where we were that morning. Kami told her that we had gone to help grandpa, because he had lost his mind. I have a feeling dad would appreciate that story right about now.

Hey, I love you guys! Thanks for all the good memories and your love. Have a great week!

Love, Aunt Gale

Bed Sores



October 29, 2008

Dear Family,

Hi. How are you doing today? Good, I hope. Are you all ready for Halloween? Funny how the older we get the less excited we are, until we have kids of our own and it is even more fun than it was when we were little. I hope you each have a wonderful Halloween.

Mom and dad are doing OK, but things have changed a little. Dad has developed a bed sore on his tail bone, probably from sitting in a chair all day. Monday the hospice nurse came by the house and told mom she thought dad should stay at the Carriage House until the sore heals. There they will turn him every two hours or so, which mom can't do at home.

It has been kind of hard on mom. First of all she feels bad about letting dad get the sore. She feels like it is her fault because she is the one who wanted dad to come home every day. The truth is that bed sores just happen, no matter how good a job you do taking care of someone. Hopefully dad will heal quickly. In the meantime, we will try to take mom out to visit him at the nursing home every day.

Besides that, things are pretty much the same. Thanks for all your prayers and love. They mean a lot to mom and dad, and to the rest of us here in Snowflake.

We love you, Aunt Gale



The End of an Era



October 3, 2008

Dear Family,

Sorry to be the bearer of sad news, but Aunt Elise died this morning about 3:00 am. She was mom's oldest sister, ten years older than mom, I think, so she was 88 years old. It feels like the end of an era, to me. First we lost Grandma Johnson eight years ago. Then Aunt Elise's husband, Uncle Eddie died, then this summer Aunt Ejvor's husband, Uncle Leo. Our family is fading away.

So is dad, I'm afraid. We pick him up every morning and drive him to his house, where he sits in a chair all day while mom feeds and cares for him, then we take him back to the rest home in the evening. Most of the time he hardly seems to notice what is going on.

The other day I tried to talk to dad as I drove him to mom's house. He just stared out the window, not looking at anything, just forward. My heart broke as I looked at his profile. It has changed so much over the past few months. His cheeks are sunken, his eyes are hollow, and there is no spark of recognition left in them.

“Where is dad?” I couldn't help wonder as I drove. Is his spirit still there, trapped in his body? I suppose so, because he would be dead otherwise. Just the same, I couldn't help wonder what, if anything, his spirit was thinking and doing while his mind was vacant. Would he know, sometime after he dies, what went on around him now?

“I love you, dad,” I told him through my tears. “You were the best dad any girl ever had, and I love you so much! If you can hear me, wherever you are now, I sure want you to know how lucky I know I am to have had you for my father, and how thankful I am to you for all the things you taught me, all the things you did for me, and for loving me.”

I couldn't go on after that. I had to pull myself together so I could drive straight and not run into anything. I don't know if dad heard me or not. He never gave any sign of it. But I know that someday, someplace after we have both left this world far behind, I will get to tell him again how much I love him. And I know that each of you will have that same chance. We are a forever family, sealed to each other for eternity. Just because we are apart now, and dad's mind is far away, doesn't change anything. Thank goodness for the blessings of the priesthood, and for the power it has to seal our family forever.

I love you, all.

Aunt Gale

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

One Thing After Another



30 September 2008

Dear family,

Hi. I hope you are all well and looking forward to conference this weekend. We are here in Snowflake.

Things are going relatively well here, (relative is the operative word.) Last week was hard on dad. He began having quite a bit of pain when we moved him, and by Friday he really hurt. Mom had Uncle Alan come and check him out, and he said it could be a couple of different things. Because it seemed to hurt most of all at the top of his leg and in the groin area it was very possible that he had a bladder or prostrate infection, so Alan immediately started him on antibiotics. On the other hand, the pain could also indicate blood clots in his legs, in which case there was nothing that could be done except give dad pain killers, so they began giving him Tylenol twice a day. Saturday evening he was hurting so bad mom asked if he would like a blessing, and he said yes. Moe and Uncle Colton blessed him that he would be able to sleep and that the pain would go away. By Sunday afternoon the pain seemed to be letting up. Hopefully, it was just an infection and it is getting better.

Yesterday when I picked dad up he didn't complain about pain at all. They told me at the Carriage House that he had eaten a good breakfast, usually they can hardly get him to wake up long enough to eat one or two bites of food in the morning, and more alert and aware than I have seen him in a long time. He knew that Aunt Sharon and I were his daughters, although he didn't actually call us by name, and he was laughing and teasing Jessi and Jenna. I was really surprised, because Sunday afternoon he was really, really out of it.

I suppose this is the nature of dad's disease. I have been told that dementia can seem to come and go, but I sure do hate it. It is so hard to have dad almost normal once in awhile, because it makes you hope that he is getting better, and almost feel guilty for thinking that he has dementia at all. Then it comes back with a vengeance, and you have to go through the grieving process all over again. This nasty disease can really where you out emotionally. I don't know how mom keeps on handling it so well.

Speaking of mom, she went to the cardiologist yesterday to see why she is having such a hard time breathing. The doctor wants her to get blood work done and do some more tests. Most likely it is her pulmonary hypertension, but the doctor said it could possibly be caused by blood clots in her lungs. Anyway, they will do the tests and see.

More bad new, on top of that. Aunt Ejvor called mom last night to tell mom that they found Aunt Elise (mom's oldest sister) collapsed on her floor yesterday and rushed her to the hospital. She had not regained consciousness at the time Aunt Ejvor called. We'll let you know more when we hear more, in the meantime, remember to keep her and her family in your prayers.

Sorry this has been kind of a down message. The weather here in Snowflake is beautiful, though, and we are all looking forward to conference, so that is something to smile about.

I hope you can all keep on smiling, and remember how much we love and appreciate each of you. Thank's for being our family.

Love,
Aunt Gale

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Sweet Kisses



September 22, 2006

Dear Family,

No news is good news, maybe. Sorry I haven't kept in touch with you as good as I should

Things are fine here in Snowflake. Last week was a kind of slow week for mom and dad. Uncle Alan and the caregivers at the Carriage House were working on adjusting dad's medications so he wouldn't be anxious all the time, or too sleepy. It took a while. The first few days of the week he mostly slept, but as the week went on he seemed to get a little more alert, especially in the afternoons. They have stopped giving him most of the medicines now. He doesn't seem to need the sedatives any more.

We are still picking dad up in the mornings and taking him home where he stays with mom, mostly sleeping. She feeds him dinner, then we take him back to the home in the evening. It is working out well, so far.

Today dad went to church with us, but then mom took him home instead of trying to go to Sunday School or Priesthood meeting. He dozed a lot, but this evening when we went over to visit he stayed awake for quite awhile, and even tried to join in the conversation occasionally.

Because he has been sleeping a lot, dad's muscles are getting weaker, so when we help him move from his wheel chair to the car or couch or easy chair or whatever, he isn't able to help much. Mostly we just pick him up and turn and put him down wherever. The last couple of days as I picked dad up to move he has given me a kiss on my neck. It's so sweet. Even when he really doesn't seem to be aware of what is happening, he is still gentle and kind.

Mom is doing pretty good as well. She looks better and says she feels OK. Her hip and knees are hurting, but at least she is getting enough sleep.

I hope you are all well and happy. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. We love you all.

Aunt Gale

Sunday, June 23, 2013

How Ironic



September 10, 2008

Dear Family,

Hi, How are you all doing? Good, I hope. Things are well here in Snowflake. Mom looks much better, more rested, and dad seems to be doing OK. We go pick him up every morning and he spends the day with mom, then we take him back to the home when it is time for him to go to bed. So far it is working well.

Monday, when Aunt Linda went to pick up dad, he was really agitated. She said the workers at the home told her he had a bad morning. He kept telling them he was the supervisor and he needed to take care of something, be he didn't know what. Finally, they gave him an application form and told him he needed to fill it out so they could take care of whatever needed to be done. When Linda got there he was sitting at the counter with a pencil and the form, fiddling around with it.

Aunt Linda said she got dad into the car, but he was still really agitated. He kept saying they weren't doing things right and he was in charge and he just couldn't get them to straighten things out. She was laughing inside, but she just kept agreeing with him and let him talk. Then she says he finally hit his fist against his knee and exclaimed, “It's those dang Mormons who are messing everything up!”

Linda just burst out laughing right there in the car and was still chuckling when she told me about it later that day. Poor dad. I wonder if his mind is pulling up memories of people telling him those “dang Mormons” messed everything up back when he worked at the high school, or even farther back when he was a kid in school. Ironic, isn't it, that dad, the best “dang Mormon” out there, would spout off something like that?

We had a good meeting this morning with the staff at the home, the hospice nurse, Uncle Alan and Aunt Linda, and me. They are going to up dad's medications a little to try to help him sleep more at night. So far he seems to be roaming the halls quite a bit, but besides that things are good; dad seems to be happy, and mom is perking back up.

I hope all is well with each of you. I sure do love you,

Aunt Gale

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Putting Dad In A Nursing Home



September 8, 2008

Dear Family,

This has been quite a week. Sorry I didn't write yesterday, but I went down to the Valley to be at Linnea's baby's blessing. Holly's baby was blessed yesterday in Idaho, too. I wish I could split myself in half and be in two places at the same time.

Hopefully, you are all well and having a wonderful end of the summer. I wish I could be with each of you today, and give you a hug. I love you!

This past Friday, Uncle Keith and Aunt Becky came up to see how dad and mom are doing. Keith helped mom get dad ready for bed, and he saw first hand how hard it has become for her to take care of dad, and also how fragile she is getting. Even using oxygen all the time she still huffs and puffs and is not in good shape.

Saturday morning he called all the brothers and sisters and talked to us about the problem. The truth is, there is no good way to take care of things. Mom simply cannot go on doing everything herself, but she feels like it is her responsibility, as well as a labor of love, and she can't bring herself to let the rest of us help.

Actually, that's not fair. Mom does try to let us help. She called me the other night to come over and help her get dad up after he slipped onto the floor, and she let me spend the next morning changing sheets and helping dad eat and stuff, but it's not enough. She is the one there, and she does everything she can before she calls for help. It's just her nature. Thank goodness for that, too, because we love mom just the way she is. Can you imagine having her be whiny or cross or selfish or bitter or dependent or 'woe is me'?

The problem is, because she is wonderful, she has worn herself out to the point where we are going to loose her if something isn't done. Keith and Alan sat down with us Saturday morning and laid the issue out for mom. Alan warned her that she and dad are always just a second away from having a catastrophic accident. Dad is simply too heavy for mom to lift and move. He has lost the ability to walk on his own, and is either in a wheel chair or bed all of the time, and it would be so easy for either of them to fall and break a bone. Plus, mom hasn't had a real nights sleep in weeks. She wakes up every few hours to check on dad, and doesn't ever get into a deep sleep because she is listening for him all night long. That, and the physical strain has zapped mom's strength to a point where she might collapse at any moment.

Uncle Keith told mom she had two choices. She could either get twenty-four hour help, and she would have to use it, or we need to put dad in a nursing home, at least for until she gets her strength back.

Mom thought about it, and finally agreed that she needed help. She realizes how fragile things are right now, and that she can't physically take care of dad. On the other hand, she knows that if she has help at the house she will still rush in to take care of things before the help can. (Just like she would spend hours cleaning her car if she was going to take it down to get it cleaned professionally, because she wouldn't want anyone to see it dirty. Our family really has a problem with letting other people take care of the things we think we are responsible for, don't we?)

Uncle Alan told mom about a really nice nursing home here in Snowflake that he is very impressed with. He said that if he ever has to go to a home, he wants to go to the Carriage House. They usually have a long waiting list, but Alan checked and they just happened to have a room open. After lots of tears and heartbreaking discussion, mom finally decided we should try this home.

All of us drove over and took a tour of the Carriage House, and we were impressed. The first thing that struck me was how nice it smelled. There was no hint of the nursing home smell you usually find in a place like that. There were lots of elderly people sitting in the living room, visiting and watching TV, and they had a nice dining room and a library. The bedroom dad will have was very pleasant and light and cheerful. It really is a good place.

Saturday evening Aunt Linda and Aunt Sharon and mom and I drove dad over, and we moved him in. It was extremely hard, especially on mom, but she did it.

I was gone yesterday, but heard how they picked dad up in the morning and took him to church and then home for dinner with the family. Uncle Alan has agreed that mom can bring dad home every day and take him back in the evening, so it will really be just the nights when he is gone.

Dad had a bad spell for awhile when he was home, but he calmed down eventually. It didn't seem to have anything to do with the nursing home, though. When Linda picked him up she said he was sitting out in the living room with the other people, seemingly having a good time. Later in the afternoon when they took him back mom stayed while he ate dinner and then visited in his room for awhile. When she left, the nurse wheeled dad back out to the living room and he seemed to be fine. I don't think dad remembers where he is from one moment to the next, so hopefully he doesn't miss being home at night.

Hopefully everything will be good, but you never know. We'll just take it one day at a time, and see how things go. If it doesn't work out we'll bring dad back home and try something else, but at least for now mom is getting a little more rest and a little less physical exertion.

And the rest of us? Well, we have cried and felt guilty for not being more of a help, but in the end I think we all feel that for now, at least, this the right thing to do. I hope you will find that peace, too, and not be unhappy with us for the decisions we have made. It sure has been hard.

I love you all. Thank you so much for your prayers, keep them coming. Sorry this letter has been so long.

I'll let you know how things go.

Love, Aunt Gale

Friday, June 21, 2013

Our Stubborn, Swedish Streak



September 4, 2008

Dear Family,

Do you know how cool mom and dad are? Right now, at this very minute, they are getting their Temple recommends renewed, even though they may never get a chance to use them again. Cool, huh?

Things have been kind of hard here in Snowflake the last couple of days. Mom is wearing herself out, and you know how stubborn she is. She won't admit that she needs help until she is about dead, so we haven't been able to do much for her.

Finally, yesterday, Aunt Linda and Aunt Sharon and I sat mom down and had a long talk with her about getting some help. We have been worrying that her pulmonary hypertension is getting worse. Saturday her lips were just plain blue, in fact they were almost navy, and she can hardly seem to get her breath. We told her we were afraid she would die on us if she kept on under the stress and strain of caring for dad all by herself. Of course, she said she was fine, but she finally agreed to let Aunt Linda talk to Uncle Alan about having a hospice nurse come in to see dad once in awhile, and maybe to let someone come and help her in the mornings to get him cleaned up and stuff.

Uncle Alan is a miracle worker. By afternoon he had a lady over to set up hospice visits, (a nurse twice a week and a helper for the other hree days to help mom clean dad up, or whatever she needs) and he had someone deliver an oxygen machine for mom to use. She finally checked her oxygen level, and it was only 75%! No wonder she was been so short of breath.

Today was a little better, I think. Mom wore the oxygen all day and she looked better. The nurse didn't come til late this evening, but she brought supplies that hopefully will make cleaning up easier, and the helper should come tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed that they will be able to help mom out, and that she will feel comfortable with them. She sure hates to let someone else come into her house to do the things that she thinks she should be doing. She's got that Swedish stubborn streak in her, just like Grandma Johnson. Of course, none of the rest of the Russell women inherited that streak, did we? (You husbands just keep you mouths shut, please.)

Anyway, we are embarking on a new phase in this adventure, and it will be interesting to see how it works out. Thanks for all of your thought, prayers, and phone calls. Mom really appreciates all of your love. (But don't tell her I told you things weren't going so well. She told me last week that she really appreciated my keeping in touch with all of you, but to only tell you good things that happen so you won't worry about them. Sounds like mom, doesn't it?

I love you all,

Aunt Gale

Pray for Dad's Peace



August 18, 2008

Dear Family,

I hope you are all good today. We are well here in Snowflake, physically, but dad isn't doing very well emotionally, and he has asked for your help and prayers.

You know how a few months ago dad got up in the middle of the night and was walking outside, very agitated and upset because he thought the police were coming to get him for something he had done? Well, I suppose that anxiety has never really left him, or if it had, it has come back. Although he is not agitated to the point of trying to escape, he is very worried and upset about something he thinks he has done wrong, although he can’t quite remember what it is.

He was very concerned yesterday during church.  Moe was worried about the look on his face and the way he held his head in his hands. Uncle Alan talked to dad after the meeting and assured him that it was the disease that's making him think he has done something terrible, but he is still very worried.

I visited with dad this morning, and he tried to explain to me what was wrong, but finally gave up and said he couldn't quite remember what it was, but it was something very bad and he didn't know what to do about it.

“I know you, dad,” I assured him, “and I know you would never do anything bad. Remember how you always talked about our whole family with such pride because we all WANT to do what is right, and we try to do it? Well, we learned that from you! If anyone in the world wants to be good, it's you,dad.”

I don't think I convinced him.

“I sure hope you are right,” he told me, “but I can't make myself believe it.”

“Oh, dad,” I tried again. “It is the disease that you have which makes you think you've done something wrong. You really haven't.”

“I sure HOPE what you are saying is true,” dad repeated, but I could tell it wasn't making him feel any better.

“Well, dad, you're going to have to trust me, because I really do know what I'm talking about. You're going to just have to keep on hoping and having faith that what we are telling you is true.”

"What can I do for you, dad?” I asked him after awhile. “What would you like me to do?”

“Please, pray for me,” was his request.

I'm afraid he meant to pray for him to be able to get forgiveness, which of course he doesn't need, but I told him I would sure pray for him, and that I would contact all the rest of the family and get you to pray for him, as well. I told him we would pray for his peace of mind, and that the Lord will help him to forget whatever it is that is causing him such great anxiety so that he can feel comfort.

Dad was so happy when I told him that we would all pray for him. Just knowing that you are all out there, petitioning the Lord on his behalf, really brought him great comfort.

So please, everybody, pray for dad to find peace. He loves you all, as I know you love him. Thank you so much for being there for him right now. I believe having this family is the greatest blessing dad has, besides having mom for his wife.

Love, Aunt Gale

Good Is, After All, Relative


August 11, 2008

Dear Family,

No news is good news?  Sorry I haven't been writing much lately.  Things are pretty much the same here.  Dad tires easily, but he is mostly the same. 

I got to thinking the other day that it is kind of like gas prices.  When gas first went up to over $3.00 a gallon we were all outraged.  Then it went down for awhile, so the next time it went up it wasn't quite such a shock, until it climbed to nearly $4.00 and we all nearly died.  Now it doesn't seem bad at all if we only have to pay $3.75 a gallon.  It's kind of the same way with dad.  When he got really bad it was very hard, but now we are kind of used to the way things are, and it doesn't seem nearly as scary, but that doesn't mean things are good.  Oh well.

We love you all and really appreciate your prayers and thoughts.  Stay happy, and keep smiling.  Oh, and never forget,  "If you act enthusiastic, then you'll be enthusiastic."

Love,  Aunt Gale

I Don't Think People Even Realize He is Struggling


August 4, 2008

Dear Family,

Hope you are all well. Things are good here in Snowflake. Aunt Sharon, mom and dad and I drove down to the Valley Saturday to go to Uncle Leo's funeral. It was very nice, and wonderful to see all of our old family. It's been a long time since we used to get together at Grandma Johnson's.

Dad did pretty good. The more tired he gets, the less his memory works, so as the day went on he began to have trouble. He couldn't remember if he had already said hello to people, but mostly he did very well. When people just talk to him for a minute I don't know if they even realize he is struggling. He can carry on a simple conversation just fine.

By the time we got home, dad was worn out and pretty disoriented. He didn't know whose house it was or what he was doing there. Mom commented yesterday that they have just done too much traveling lately.

We visited yesterday evening and celebrated Mom's birthday, but they went to bed early because dad was so tired. I think mom had a good birthday, though. She must have answered at least 10 birthday phone calls just in the time we were there. Thanks so much to all of you for helping her have a happy day!

We love you all, and hope you have a great week. Thanks for you prayers and thoughts.

Love, Aunt Gale

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Too Tired to Think




July 30th, 2008

Dear Family,

Sorry it's been so long since I wrote. I spent last week in Idaho with Holly and her new baby girl.

Things seemed to be OK here in Snowflake, but as I'm sure most of you have already heard, mom's brother-in-law, Uncle Leo, passed away. His funeral will be this coming Saturday down in Mesa, and Aunt Sharon and I will take mom and dad down.

Last Saturday Aunt Linda took them down to the Valley for the day. Mom wanted to find a better way to fix her hair, and to do a little shopping while dad visited with Uncle Keith.. I met them there on my way home from Idaho, and drove back with them to Snowflake. They did pretty well, but by the time we got home dad was pretty disoriented.

Yesterday, Aunt Linda drove us all over to Flagstaff for a day of shopping. Again, dad did pretty well, but by the end of the day he was getting more and more confused. I guess it makes sense that when he's tired his mind has a harder time keeping things straight. To tell you the truth, just the fact that he wants to go places like the mall with mom shows how strongly he loves and cares for her. It's really sweet.

I hope all is well with each of you.

I love you, Aunt Gale

Dad's Sparkle Was Gone



July 12, 2008

Dear Family,

Happy Saturday. How are all of you doing? Wonderful, I hope. Sorry I haven't written as much the last little while. We spent so much time together as a family over the 4th, and when Julie was here that I kind of had to make it up at home, and I haven't been with mom and dad as much this week. Also, dad was doing so well for a while there wasn't much to tell you about. I'm sorry that it seems to be changing again.

A few days ago dad got a cough. It bothered him so much mom had to give him Robitussin. The next day I thought he looked flushed, and he just didn't seem to have that old spark any more. The cough has gone now, but the sparkle hasn't come back.

It's funny. I've always heard people use the expression, “He's got a sparkle in his eye,” but I didn't really understand it until now. Although I wouldn't really say that dad's eyes used to sparkle, still, I don't know how else to describe the way he has looked the past couple of weeks. There has been light in his eyes, and now it has dimmed again. I suppose most of us have that light; we just don't notice it until it is gone.

Linda says dad told her the other day that he felt like the fog had lifted from his mind. That's a good way to describe the way he has seemed for the last little while. It's sad to see the fog starting to descend again.

When Moe's mother was dying, the hospice nurses told us she would seem to get better, then go down, then get better, then go down, in a cycle, but each time she went up it wouldn't be quite as far. It actually didn't seem to happen that way to Grandma Ashcroft. She just went down quickly and stayed there. I'm afraid maybe we are beginning to see that cycle in dad, darn it all. I was really hoping for a few days that he was going to get back to his old self and stay there. Perhaps I'm wrong, and this is just a dip and then he'll go back up for keeps. I hope so.

Anyway, we love you guys, and want you to know how much your prayers and thoughts mean to all of us, especially to mom. She needs you, now, and she feels so blessed to have such a wonderful family. Thanks.

I love you, too,

Aunt Gale

Dad's Inhibitions Seemed to Disappear



July 7, 2008

Dear Family,

I hope all of you had a wonderful 4th of July! We sure did here in snowflake. We celebrated Dad's 80th birthday by having a Bar-B-Q at Aunt Linda's. Uncle Alan had a brand new grill, and he made delicious hot dogs and hamburgers for all of us, and we had carrot cake, dad's favorite, for dessert. It was fun!

Dad's health seems to be getting much better, except for his stomach. His color is good, he has more energy, but he gets terrible gas sometimes. It makes him feel like there is something heavy sitting on his chest, and he is really uncomfortable. He tried using over-the-counter gas relief pills and Milk of Magnesia, but Uncle Alan wants him to start trying a new prescription since nothing has helped so far. It's probably because dad is eating such rich food these days, something he hasn't done for many, many years. It seems that his inhibitions have disappeared, as well as his memory. Oh well, at least he is happy.

On a surface level, dad seems to be able to carry on reasonably logical conversations. It's just when you ask him questions or he tries to remember things that you realize his mind is still confused. It bothers him because he knows he can't remember, but most of the time he seems content.

Mom is doing OK, She has a bad time with her back and legs, but will get new shoes this week that hopefully will help.

Thanks, all of you, for being such a wonderful family. We love you, and miss you.

Love, Aunt Gale

Some Things We Never Forget



June 30, 2008

Dear Family,

Hi. We sure do love you! All of us up here in snowflake spent the past weekend remembering fun times we have had as a family and catching up on the news about everyone. It was delightful!

Mom and dad had a good weekend. Dad did have a stomach ache yesterday, which kept them from going to church, but that may be because he has been eating so many sweets lately. I personally know that he ate three big pieces of chocolate birthday cake and homemade ice cream on Saturday, on top of two hamburgers and chips and fruit salad with salsa on top. And that was just at dinner. I think he's having a great time. Maybe he's forgotten to eat extra healthy, like he's been trying to do for the past twenty years, as well as forgetting people's names. Do you suppose I could get dementia, just once in awhile, when I feel like splurging?

They also played the Wii at Aunt Linda's house. First of all they just listened while everyone else played Rock Band. The glazed look on dad's face reminded me of how he used to complain that the Beatles and other Rock singers sounded like they had belly aches back in the 60's. I don't think his opinion of Rock music has changed much. But when everyone started a bowling game, dad got really into it. He even wanted to try. He had a hard time figuring out which button to push, and how to swing his arm and let go of the trigger at the same time, but he finally did make one ball go down the alley, slowly, but it knocked over half of the pins. Mom took a couple of turns, too. Her balls were just as slow, but she almost made a strike once!

Anyway, we had a great time visiting with Aunt Julie and her family, and we missed all the rest of you. We sure are lucky to have such a great family!

Love, Aunt Gale

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

"You Sure Are Nice"



June 28, 2008

Dear Family,

Happy Saturday! I hope everyone had a great week. Things are good here in Snowflake. Aunt Julie and her family are here, and we are having a great time visiting. It is really being good for dad. I haven't seen him doing so well in months. His color is great, he is much stronger, and his mind is clearing. He still struggles to remember many things, but he seems to be understanding what is happening right now most of the time, and remembering for longer periods.

It's hard to know if this means dad is getting better, or if he is just doing better for a short time and will go backwards again. Still, it's wonderful he is doing so well right now, especially while Julie is here.

Mom is a rock, like always. She is so positive and strong. She told us yesterday about something that happened Thursday morning. At first she was a little hesitant to even tell us, she doesn't want to make light of dad's disabilities, but she also needs to be able to see the humorous side of this disease or it would drown her.

“I was helping dad get ready in the morning,” she told us. “He has trouble remembering how to shave, or for that matter, how to put on his shoes. He will sit on his stool and just look at the socks he is holding until I finally help him.”

“Anyway, dad must have been feeling pretty good, because after I helped him brush his teeth and fix his hair, he turned to me and said, 'you sure are nice.'”

“I told him thank you, then he said, 'I sure do like you.  Maybe we should get married.”

“Well, I didn't know what to say to that for a second.  I was kind of taken back, you know. Finally, I smiled and told dad that we already are married. He looked at me for a minute, then said, 'Oh. How does Eleanor feel about that?'”

(Remember, Eleanor is mom's name.)

“I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry,” mom told us with a little, forlorn laugh, “but in the end I decided I'd better laugh.”

I think she was right.

We sure do love them both, and all of you. Have a great weekend.

Love, Aunt Gale

Dad Knew Things Weren't Right



June 26, 2008

Hi, everybody!

We're still doing good here in Snowflake. Dad helped Linda and me put up trellis on the hill behind their house yesterday for about an hour. He sat on a stool and cut pieces of wire for us. He wanted to help so bad, but his strength is still not very good. He would cut two pieces of wire, then sit and stare at the wire for a few minutes until I came and took the cut pieces and showed him how to cut some more, then he would cut a few more pieces, then sit and stare at the wire. Dad apologized over and over again for not being able to think clearer, and he kept taking responsibility for everything that didn't work out right. Actually, it was just hard getting the trellis to stay where we wanted it to, but dad thought it was his fault. I was sorry that he realized that he wasn't working as hard as he used to, and that he understood that his brain wasn't functioning right, but on the other hand, his recognizing that is a good sign, isn't it? Anyway it was wonderful having him outside helping us for a while. I just hope we didn't wear him out too much.

Have a good day, everybody, and know that we love and think about you all. Thanks for being such a wonderful family,

Love, Aunt Gale

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Are We In Snowflake, or Mesa? June 23, 2008



June 23, 2008

Dear Family,

What a difference a day makes. Dad seems to be doing better and better, relatively speaking. Last week his strength was improving a little, but now he seems to be fading back into the past in his mind.

He got it set in his head that he was on the old property in Mesa where he was born. Friday morning while mom was at the doctors he told me he really wanted to take a walk around the place because he couldn't quite get his bearings straight. We walked outside while he tried to figure out where the rail-road track was, and the old Alma School. He was sure they were just over the hill somewhere.

As we walked he kept pointing north, telling me he was born just a quarter of a mile that way. It made him so happy to think he had come home that I tried to play along. We figured out if that was Main Street to the north, then the road to the west must be Alma School, and the rail-road tracks would be somewhere over where the telephone lines were on the south.

Dad got happier and happier, especially when he asked who the green house belonged to, and I told him it was his. He was so excited that he got to live on the same property where he was born. He told me over and over again that it was wonderful that his life had gone full circle and he had come home.

“Who are you?” he would ask me every little while, and then be apologetic for forgetting me. Then he would tell me that he loved me. It made me cry a couple of times.

Mom says dad believed they were at Alma School for three or four days, but last night was different. Dad wanted to go for a walk outside again, so we all trooped out and visited Linda on the road for awhile, she was doing a lovely job making flower beds under the trees along their road.

Dad wanted to walk down the road and see what was on down below their house. Mom was worn out, so I took him by the hand and we walked down the hill. It felt so strange, holding my dad's hand and helping him walk, almost like he was the little child and I was the mother. He seemed to know that we were in Snowflake, and kept talking about how he had always wanted to live up here, where the climate was better than in the Valley, and how nice it was. He also kept telling me that he needed to go for a walk like this every day so he could get his strength back and enjoy his last few years living up here in Snowflake. That made me cry again, but this time because the fog seemed to be lifting a little in his mind, and it was so good to have him back.

Dad was really worn out by the time we got back to the house, but he was proud of himself for going so far, and determined to continue exercising.

I have no idea how he will be today. I want to believe he will continue to get stronger in mind and body. I hope so. One way or the other, I am glad he had such a good night last night.

I love you guys. Thanks so much for all your prayers and support. You are the best family in the world!

Love, Aunt Gale

Dad Remembered He Has A Hard Time Remembering June 19, 2010



June 19, 2010

Dear Family,

Today was a good day! Mom had the cataracts removed from her second eye, (almost a month earlier than planned.) She should be able to see really well, now.

When I brought her home from the doctors I stayed to visit for a few minutes. Linda and her daughter Allison were there, too. Dad was having a hard time figuring out who everyone was. He wanted to know who Bridget (Alli's little girl) was, and when they told him he wanted to know who Alli was. Then he couldn't figure out who Sharon's girls were. They explained who everyone was three or four times, and finally I said something about everyone changing and growing up. Dad looked at me and said, “I know who you are!” Suddenly it was like a light went on in his mind, and for the next few minutes we visited almost like old times.

“I never have been able to remember people's names,” dad told me finally. “I sure wish the family could all get together again.”

“Well, guess what?” I said. “Julie and her family are coming to visit next week!”

That really made him happy, but he asked, “Will you make sure to have people tell me who they are?”

“Maybe we should all wear name tags,” I teased, but he really liked that idea.

Dad seems to have more energy lately, and he isn't shuffling as slowly these days. Mom says he is nearly always happy, unless he gets anxious about something.

“Dad spent yesterday afternoon pointing out of the windows, telling me about where we are,” mom told me when we were by ourselves. “He thinks Linda's house, across the street, is Alma School, and the land in front of our house is where his grandparents homesteaded, down in Mesa. I just let him talk away, because it made him happy. It's only when he gets anxious about something he's got stuck in his mind that he's hard to deal with.”

I sure hope that when I get old, I will be like mom and dad. They have spent a lifetime practicing kindness, and cheerfulness, and now it is just the way they are. I sure do love them!

I love you all, too. Thanks for being my family,

Love,

Aunt Gale

Helpful Dad June 12, 2008



June 12, 2008

Dear Family,

Hi,

I took mom to the eye doctor yesterday, to see how she was doing after her cataract surgery. She can see better without her glasses through the eye that was operated on than she could see with her glasses before. Great, huh?

“Doctor Blair, when can I drive again?” mom asked after her exam was over.

“Never,” he laughed.

We both looked at him with surprise, but he smiled and said, “I know how the women in your family drive, and I don't think any of you should be allowed on the road again.”

Since I've never met the man before, the only conclusion I could draw was that he must be referring to the younger sister in our family whose husband went to school with him up here in Snowflake. Linda, have you been driving crazy again? Anyway, he told mom she was good to go, and she really could drive as much as she wanted to, now.

Mom was so happy to be able to drive that she wanted to go run errands, so I sat with dad while she went to the store. He seems to be doing a bit better, not quite as out of it. We sat at the kitchen counter while he ate a bowl of cereal, (eat a bite, sleep a little, eat a bite, sleep a little) for about half an hour, then I helped him walk back to his room. He still shuffled slowly and had a hard time keeping his balance.

Dad seems to be following our conversations, and asks questions sometimes that make me think he understands what we are talking about, even if he doesn't remember things later on. Still, most of the time he is content to let mom tell him what to do. It's almost as if he is too tired to try to think for himself. Or maybe he is just trying to make mom happy. You know dad, he always tried to be helpful. Remember how he used to 'help' us finish our ice cream cones when they started to drip?

I love you guys. Have a good day.

Love, Aunt Gale

Dad Developed a Sweet Tooth June 16, 2008


June 16, 2008

Dear Family,

How are you doing this week? I hope you all had a nice Father's Day. Things are going quite well here in Snowflake. Dad has perked up, and has a lot more energy than he did last week. He is also eating more,.......sugar. Apparently he has been eating anything sweet he can get his hands on for the last couple of days.

“He's going to start getting fat if he doesn't watch out,” mom told me with a laugh last night, but dad has lost so much weight it will take a long time for that to happen.

It's kind of fun, seeing dad eat chocolate and cookies. It seems like forever that he has been trying to eat healthy, and telling mom to stop feeding the grandkids so much ice cream. I have to go way back in my memory to remember that dad used to love carrot cake and pineapple upside down cake, and soft ice cream cones. Of course, he has always enjoyed black licorice, but I had forgotten how he took us to Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor once, and got a huge Sundae with tons of whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Dad is alert and following and joining in the conversations a lot more, too. At times, I can't help wonder if he has made a miraculous recovery, but then he will ask an off-the-wall question, and I realize that he is still struggling.

I spent this morning working outside at his house with Linda. Mom brought dad outside to sit for awhile, and he kept saying he should be up working, too. He apologized for not helping us, and worried that he wasn't keeping the house in good shape like he ought to. (The truth is, it looks nice, but I guess dad knows he isn't working like he used to, so he has it in his mind that everything has gone to pot.)

“Where are we?” dad asked mom after they'd been outside watching us for awhile.

“We're in Snowflake,” she told him.

“What are we doing there?” dad wanted to know.

I guess he isn't doing as well as I thought. Still, most of the time dad seems to be happy and content, and mom is taking excellent care of him. She is a wonder.

I love you all. Thanks for your prayers and your love,

Aunt Gale

Just Like the Pioneers June 10, 2008


June 10, 2008

Dear Family,

Happy Wednesday. Mom had one of her eyes operated on yesterday to remove the cataract, and the surgery went well. Moe stayed with grandpa, thank goodness, because the surgery took all morning.

Moe says he and dad took turns napping, while they watched Leave it to Beaver. Dad doesn't have any energy at all, these days. Mom said that Monday she felt like she should just sit next to him all day. She felt like he just wanted to hold her hand.

“Something has changed,” mom told me the yesterday. “I don't quite know what it is, but it feels like something is different. I think, perhaps, dad has had a little stroke or something. He walks with difficulty now, barely shuffling his feet along.”

Then mom grinned and added, “I wish I was thirty pounds heaver, so I could pick dad up. I'm having a hard time getting him ready and into bed these days.”

“Can we come over and help?” I asked, but mom wouldn't hear of it.

On the way to the doctors yesterday I told mom I thought she was amazingly strong, just like Mormor and Grandma Johnson.

“They sure were amazing women,” she agreed with me. “I always thought they would have made great pioneers, but I'm not as strong as them.”

Perhaps great adversity not only refines our characters. It also shows us who we really are.

We also talked about Becky and Keith on our way to the doctors. Both mom and I are so grateful to you for the example and experience you have acquired working with Davy. Thank you, both of you. Becky told me last week to remind mom to use the medications available to help dad be comfortable and happy. She has learned, through trial and error, that relying on medicine is the right thing to do under certain circumstances, and after taking care of a severely mentally handicapped son for so many years, she knows. Her advice and experience is really helping mom now, and we both appreciate it. Most of all, both Keith and Becky's example of patience, unconditional love, and submission to the Lord's will has been a great blessing to mom and dad, and me. You two would have made fantastic pioneers, as well.

Come to think of it, our whole family would have done well back in those days. Each of you have faced, or will face, grave difficulties, and each of you square your shoulders and march on. You're wonderful, and I love you! Thank you for being my family.

Love, Aunt Gale

Dad's Advice for a Successful Marriage June 9, 2008



June 9, 2008

Dear Family,

How are you? Things are pretty good up here in Snowflake, at least it isn't hot like down in the valley.

Mom and dad are doing OK. Mom will get her cataracts removed tomorrow, and she is excited to be able to see clearly again.

Dad seems almost to be fading away. He is happy and cheerful most of the time, but he is unsteady on his feet and unclear in his mind. While we were down in the Valley for Kathy's wedding, Moe took him up to our land to help feed the horses. Dad enjoyed the trip, and offered to open the gate so Moe could drive in, but couldn't figure out how to lift the latch, even though it wasn't locked or anything.

Mom is being a rock. Adversity can bring out the best or the worst in people, and it is sure showing us what a wonderful person she is. She is so patient and kind with dad, and so strong. She reminds me of Grandma Johnson. We are all lucky to have such a wonderful example of Christlike love and devotion.

Kathy's wedding was just lovely. She and Skyler looked perfect together. It reminded me of Dad's advice to us to pray for our marriages every day. I know that he and mom have done that, and it is why they are so close today. I am so grateful to dad for his wisdom and council.

Thank you all for being such a wonderful family, and for your love and prayers. We feel them here in Snowflake. Mom told us the other day that dad was talking about how much he loved all of his family, and that he would love to have them here for his birthday. We know that it would be impossible for many of you to make the trip, but we also know that whether you are here in person or not, you are with us in spirit, because we feel your love. Thank you so much.

Love, Aunt Gale

"Act Enthusiastic and You'll Be Enthusiastic" June 4, 2008



Jun 4, 2008

Hi, family, How are you?

Dad has been doing better, in a way. Uncle Alan gave him some medicine to take at night to help him sleep and keep him calm. It works well, but it also makes him kind of loopy in the daytime. Mom and dad tried to go to the store on Monday, and dad had a hard time not falling. By the time they walked to the back of Wal Mart and then up to the front again he was completely wiped out.
Dad seems to be really happy, though. Every time I go over he is smiling and cheerful, and tells me it is a beautiful day and all is well. It reminds me of Grandma Russell. She always greeted us with, “Isn't it a glorious day?” and she meant it.

Do you remember dad's favorite saying? “Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic.”

Moe mentioned the other day how cool it was that dad is always so positive.

“It's neat, because for his whole life dad has made an effort to be happy and enthusiastic, and now that he may not be able to consciously decide that he wants to act enthusiastic, it is so much a part of him that he is that way anyway,” Moe told me.

I hope that when I get old, I will be like that.

I love you all,

Aunt Gale