Understanding

"Do you remember the story of Zion's Camp?" my Stake President asked me after I finished telling him my sad story and asked for his advice.

"I think so," I answered, surprised.  "At least, I remember learning a little about it."

"Well, it happened in the early history of the Church," (we belonged to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-Saints) the Stake President told me.  "The Saints who were living in Missouri at that time were being badly persecuted, driven from their homes, their property stolen from them, and threatened with their lives." 

"Joseph Smith received a revelation from God telling him to gather a group of men and march to Missouri.  They thought they were going to fight off the persecutors and liberate the saints, but when they got there the Lord told Joseph to turn around and march back home."

"Many brethren were upset by this turn of events.  They naturally wondered why they had marched hundreds of miles just to turn around and go home again, and quite a few of them turned against Joseph and called him a fallen prophet.  I suspect it was even hard on him.  He probably wondered why the Lord had given him a revelation to do something when in the end he wasn't supposed to do it after all.  He may have even wondered if he heard properly, or if he had made a mistake."

Suddenly I understood why the Stake President was telling me this story.  I had come to him about just such a situation.  I had told him how Garth and I had been led by the Lord to meet each other.  How we had been prompted that we were meant for each other, how we had both received confirmations that we were supposed to get married; and then how Garth's ex-wife had begged him to take her back, and for the sake of their kids,  since his Priesthood leaders had advised him to try to make his marriage work, and because he had finally received confirmation that he was supposed to re-marry her, we had had to say goodby. 

"Didn't I listen to the spirit right?" I had asked the Stake President.  "I really thought I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing, so why did this happen?"

"Do you remember what some of the end results of Zion's Camp were?" the Stake President continued.

"Well, I know that many of the future leaders of the church went on the march," I answered, "and all during that time they were being trained on how to lead the Church and gaining experience."

"Exactly," the Stake President agreed.  "In fact, although the brethren thought they knew why the Lord told them to go to Missouri, in actuality there ended up being an entirely different reason for it.  Joseph Smith did not hear wrong.  He wasn't a fallen prophet, or even mistaken in this revelation.  They just weren't able to see the whole picture at that time."

The Stake President smiled at me, then continued,  "I don't suppose you heard the spirit wrong when you were prompted that you and Garth were supposed to be together.  I would guess, instead, that the Lord wanted you to go through this experience for a reason, you just can't see it yet.  But you will some day.  So in the meantime, don't get down on yourself.  You're doing what's right.  Just keep it up."

It was comforting to have my Stake President tell me this, and it alleviated a lot of my concerns and worries, but it didn't take away the hurt.  Garth had told me once that I was his savior.  It was sweet of him to say so, but then he had qualified the compliment by saying, "You know, being a savior isn't exactly an easy job.  I don't think anyone is jealous of the pain and suffering Christ went through to be our savior.  It takes someone who loves a whole lot to be willing to be a savior for anyone else."

He was right, I guess.  It sure hurt a whole lot, for a long time. The thing I wanted to know, though, was, if Garth and I were supposed to meet, fall in love, but not get married, then what was the real reason? In the end, it took a lot of living and a lot of time to to figure that out, but eventually it began to make sense.


Thank goodness for time.  Once again, it became my best friend, and pain killer.