It seemed to be ordained in heaven for Garth and I to marry. We had both endured extremely difficult marriages, determined to honor our covenants no matter how hard it was until our spouses made the choice to get divorced. We had both received personal witnesses that we were doing what was right, the Lord knew our sacrifices, and he would bless us with happy families in return.
Back in the summer, a long time before she even knew I was getting divorced, Garth's sister-in-law had worried and prayed about his happiness and been impressed that I would make him a good wife. As he went through the trials of separation from his family he had prayed for help and guidance. He didn't tell me until weeks later, but the night he sat next to me at the piano recital the spirit had whispered to him that I was the one the Lord had prepared for him.
I'd already decided Garth was Mr. Right before he told me about that experience. When we were married, Sheldon often scolded me for wanting him to be a Knight-in-Shining-Armor. When he was cross he would shout, "Why don't you go find that perfect man you always want me to be and marry him.!" Meeting Garth was like having my knight come and find me, but I wanted to be absolutely sure I was making the right decision this time.
"You're going to have to hit me over the head and tell me when I meet the right guy," I had often prayed to Heavenly Father, "because I can't trust my own judgment anymore. I thought I was making the right decision with Sheldon, and look where that got me."
So as Garth and I grew closer, and when he finally admitted he knew I was the right one, I began fasting and praying for my own confirmation. It came in a strange way. The Lord didn't tell me, "Marry Garth, he's the one for you." Instead the thought came to my mind, "I'm not going to tell you what to do, Gale, because everyone runs into hard times when they are married. If you marry Garth just because I tell you to, someday you'll second guess that inspiration and wonder if you heard wrong. Instead, you just keep on getting to know him, fall in love like everybody else, and make your decision then."
We had so much fun!
Soon after we met, Garth filled out the divorce papers his wife had sent him. His divorce was scheduled to be final on March 4th, so we began talking about getting married in the spring.
I'd hoped my divorce with Sheldon would stay amicable and friendly, but as soon as he decided he wasn't interested in coming back it turned hard. Dad had warned me it would be.
"As long as you have children together, it will always be difficult," he'd warned. "No matter how much you may want to have Sheldon out of your life, you're still going to have to deal with him because of the kids."
A divorced friend of mine gave me some good advice that she had learned the hard way.
"Try to give in whenever you can," she told me. "There will be plenty of times when you have to stand your ground, and it will get really nasty, so whenever you can, be flexible and gracious and let him have his own way. If you'll do that he will be easier to deal with, and you'll end up getting your way more. If you're lucky, he may even get tired of the whole thing and leave you alone. Most men just want to argue for the sake of arguing, so if you don't give him a reason to fight, you'll be much happier."
I believed she was right, so I tried to let Sheldon do what he wanted. When he changed his days for visiting the kids at the last minute, I tried not to say anything. When he insisted we share the Holidays instead of splitting them up like the divorce decree stated, I let it go. I knew it would be hard not to have them with me the whole day, but I arranged our plans so the kids could do all of our family Christmas traditions early, and then spend the rest of the day with Sheldon.
Having Garth around helped a lot. Sheldon was with a new woman he had met during the summer, and the kids told me they were getting married soon. It hurt when I first heard them talk about their other "Mom", Sheldon insisted they call her that. I couldn't help being jealous when I had to give up my plans just because Sheldon wanted his girl-friend to be happy. After all, it wasn't my fault we got divorced, I hadn't asked for it, but thank goodness I had my own plans to think about and smile over when the pain got too bad.
I really worried about that first Christmas. I was so afraid it would be traumatic for all of us, but it came and went, and we lived through it. Sheldon married his girlfriend the second week of January, almost a year to the day after he broke my heart by telling me what he had been doing. I lived through that, too. Garth was sweet and supportive, taking the kids and I on day trips to his family cabin, to our cabin, and sledding up in the snow, giving all of us a chance to get to know each other. We had fun together, and the kids enjoyed being with him. In fact, it looked like we were at the beginning of living happily ever after.
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