Not All Over Again!

It seemed that I was never meant to live happily ever after.


One of the first things I asked Garth when we met was what he would do if his ex-wife decided she wanted to get back together again. 


"That wouldn't happen in a million years," he assured me.  "She's been cheating on me ever since we got married, and I've always taken her back when her affairs ended, but this time she she's done with being married.  There's no way she's going to change her mind."


Even after kicking him out and filing for divorce, Garth had avoided signing the papers for months.  Finally he had given in.  He felt impressed that the Lord told him he had done everything he could, and it was time for him to get on with his life.  We met not long after that.


It took four months for a divorce to be final in Arizona. Since Garth wasn't single yet we spent three wonderful months getting to know each other, but not dating.  Then, just a month before his divorce was final, Garth's estranged wife changed her mind.  Maybe it was knowing that someone else thought Garth was wonderful that woke her up, but somehow she realized what she was giving up, and she asked him to come home.


Garth couldn't believe it, literally.  He was sure she was just going through another one of her phases, and that soon enough she would want to be rid of him again, so this time he didn't go back.  I was releived, but also worried.  Did that make me the other woman?  I really, really, did not want to play that role.


Garth assured me that I wasn't breaking up his marriage, so we tried to go along the same as before, but the innocent thrill of finding true love was gone. 


Eventually Garth's divorce was final and we went out on our first date. We had one glorious week, but then things went changed.


"My bishop called and asked if he could talk to me tonight," Garth told me one Sunday afternoon when he came to have dinner with me and the kids.  "I'll come over afterward to tell you about it."


I waited on pins and needles, wondering what was going on.  "Is everything OK?" I asked as soon as Garth got to my house.


"My ex-wife went to the bishop this week.  She wanted him to talk to me and ask me to take her back," he told me. 


"What did you say?" I questioned anxiously.


"I told him that she's been doing this same thing the whole time we were married, and that I don't think anything has changed this time except that I feel like the Lord thinks it's time for me get on with my life, with you."


I let out my breath in relief, then asked, "What did your bishop say?"


"He understood.  He assured me that he hadn't known about our past, and he would feel the same way I do if he was me.  He said he'd tell my ex-wife it was too late this time."


"I'm sorry," I told Garth, really meaning it.  I felt terrible for his ex-wife, finally realizing what a wonderful guy she was losing, and I was sad that I was giving Garth a reason to not want to take her back.  On the other hand, I was thrilled that he didn't want to go.


"Don't be sorry," he told me tenderly.  "None of this is your fault.  I'm just so glad that I have you to help me get through this."


We thought that was the end of it, but a week later Garth's bishop called him again.  He explained that his ex-wife was really, really sorry for what she had done, and that she had  repented and wanted a second chance.  This time she had gone to their Stake President as well, and he wanted to visit with Garth, too.


Before he went, Garth told me that no matter what happened, he wasn't going to change his mind.  When he called me after his meeting he told me he still felt the same.  "Both the Bishop and my Stake President think I should give her a chance," he admitted finally.  "They think I should take her back for the sake of the kids, if for no other reason.  I don't want to go against their counsel, but they really don't understand."


Again I was relieved, but mixed up now.  It sure felt like I was turning into the other woman, the reason Garth wouldn't go back to his family, and it felt horrible.  


"Garth, I don't want to cause you to do something you'll regret later," I told him sadly.  "There is one thing I will never, never do, and that is cause a marriage to break up.  I couldn't live with myself if I ever did that."


"You're not the cause," he told me again.  "My ex-wife broke our marriage up years ago.  Never, ever think it is your fault.  You came into the picture a long time after everything was done."


Just the same, I couldn't help feeling uneasy, and extraordinarily sad.  Garth was worried, too.  In all of his life, he had never done anything contrary to what his Priesthood leaders had said.  He couldn't help feeling bad about it now, even though he was sure the Lord had answered his prayers months earlier, and that he was doing the right thing now. 


He tried to explain his spiritual impressions to his Stake President and Bishop, but they continued to press him to try to make things work with his ex-wife.  He was so depressed.


That was an awful Spring.  Even though he didn't want to, Garth spent most of his time trying to figure out if the Lord wanted him to take back his wife.  One week it seemed like we were going to live happily ever after, the next it looked like I was going to loose my true love, all over again.


Ironically, it was just one year before that I lived through the same kind of Spring, while Sheldon tried to decide if he wanted to stay married to me or not.  Only this time it hurt so much more.  Sheldon had been my husband, true, but he hadn't been a very good one, and he hadn't really loved me for a long time.  Garth, on the other hand, was perfect.  He loved me, he thought I was wonderful, and he was the best man I had ever met.  Worrying that I would loose him was like being afraid I would never be happy again.