Birthdays get harder the older you get, or at least it seemed that way to me. Sheldon was terrible at giving birthday presents. I remember the first year we were married and how disappointed I was. I'd grown up, of course, being fed a steady stream of nonsense in books, movies, and on TV, where sweethearts gave the most wonderful gifts that made me cry and assume my true love would do the same. Right. My husband of just over one month took me out to dinner, the same as we did every Friday night because he loved going out to eat, and thought that was good enough. No card, no gift, no nothing. I was so disillusioned.
As the years progressed I strove to educate Sheldon on proper birthday etiquette, and he got some better, but then we got divorced and there was no one left to give me presents. Not that mom and dad forgot me, they didn't, of course, and my kids also tried to make my birthdays happy, but I longed for that special present from that special someone that would show me how much I was loved.
The worst part about birthdays was feeling bad for feeling bad. I knew better. I really didn't want to be selfish. I wanted to be gracious and kind and totally giving, but each year found me closing my eyes on my birthday night with a sad, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, unhappy with myself for wanting more.
About the third year I was single I decided I had to do something about this. Earlier in the year I'd read about an Indian custom where they gave away everything the person owned when someone died. It turned an otherwise sad occasion into a party, where everyone got a present. It got me to thinking. Wouldn't that be a fun party to go to, where you went to celebrate someone else and you got a present yourself? So I decided to throw myself a party, complete with my favorite refreshments and decorations, and then give everyone who came a present.
It was so much fun to plan. I invited mom and dad and all my brothers and sisters and their families. I baked pies for days, (I really liked a good pie much more than birthday cake), and I spent hours finding and wrapping presents. There was no way I could afford to buy nice gifts for all of my family, and I didn't want to give them trinkets or unwanted junk. So I went through my house, my own belongings, and picked out things I owned that I thought each member of my family would like. For mom I wrapped up my black and gold foil picture of the Mesa Temple, the Christmas present Garth gave me on our one and only Christmas together. That actually hurt; I started to wrap it, then stopped, many times before I finally closed my eyes, gritted my teeth and went through with it. But I couldn't think of anything else my mom would really like. I gave my bow to Russell, I knew he would enjoy shooting more than I the older he got. Dad got one of my favorite history books, my lovely crystal necklace went to one of my sisters, and one by one I gave away the things dearest to me to the people I loved most.
I'll never forget how much fun I had planning that party; the anticipation was certainly as good as the the actual event. I'll never forget the looks on my family's face as I brought out armloads of wrapped presents, and started giving them out.
"What are you doing?" my brother-in-law burst out after the first few presents were handed out. "This is your birthday, not ours!"
I tried to explain, but I don't suppose I made much sense. "Well you haven't died yet," another brother-in-law pointed out when I told them about the Indian funeral custom. "If you give all your stuff away now, what are we going to have left to look forward to when you do kick the bucket?"
They laughed and joked, I smiled and felt good, and we all had a wonderful time. It was a lovely evening, and I can't remember a more fun birthday party. Best of all was going to bed that night. For the first time in my life, I went to sleep on my birthday night happy instead of vaguely disappointed and feeling guilty for it. It was such a nice ending to such a wonderful day, and one that I will always remember. I just don't know why I've never done it since.
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