My Fiftieth Birthday

“Mom, there's someone at the door to see you!” Krissi called excitedly up the stairs.

“Brother!” I thought. “Now?” I was in the middle of trying to clean out the extra bedroom, the one we'd been shoving stuff into ever since the big kids moved out.

Picking up a bag of garbage to take down with me, I walked out onto our upstairs landing. There, standing in the TV room below me, were a group of my neighbors and friends, all laughing and visiting with each other. As soon as they saw me, they broke into singing:

“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Gale, Happy birthday to you!”

“What are you guys doing?” I asked, laughing. “My birthday isn't until tomorrow, you know.”

“We know,” they told me, “but we wanted to give you some important stuff before your birthday, so you'll be ready!”

Reaching around the kitchen door, JoEllen pulled out an old lady walker, with caution tape wrapped all around it.

“You'll be needing this,” she told me as she handed it to me, “since tomorrow you'll be fifty!”

“And we added a horn, so you can warn people you're coming,” Lari added, squeezing the brightly colored horn they had wired onto the walker.

“Thanks,” I muttered, but they weren't done making fun of me yet.

“We have something else for you,” Cynthia told me, presenting me with a metal “grabber”. It had a yellow plastic glove attached to the end. “We know you won't be able to bend down to pick stuff up much longer, so we thought this might help.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn't have a chance to say anything because Terry and Peggy rushed in, pushing a bright red hat with a purple feather and a book entitled, “The Red Hat Society” into my hands. “Tomorrow you can become an official member,” they proudly informed me.

To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure whether I should be crying or laughing at this point. I hadn't really worried about turning fifty before this. In fact, I'd kind of been looking forward to at last being as old as I looked. There's a certain peace that comes with knowing you have earned those wrinkles, and that you're not just prematurely old. Just the same, I wasn't sure I wanted everyone in the neighborhood to be celebrating my fiftieth birthday. But, then again, most of them were already ahead of me, so what the heck?

“Thank you,” I told my buddies. “You've made my day.”

“Your welcome,” they told me back. “Just make sure you pass the equipment on to the next person on the block who turns fifty.” And I did.