Linnea's Wedding

Linnea began college the fall that Krisann was born. I was pretty busy, what with having both Holly and Russell in high school, Alyssa in junior high, and Stephen in elementary school. Kami was seventeen months when Krissi was born, so what little time I had between taking kids back and forth to school, play practices, ball games, and performances was spent taking care of her and the new baby. There wasn't much time left over to worry about Linnea, but I still missed her.

She went to a junior college down in eastern Arizona, so she wasn't too far away. Once in awhile she'd pop home for weekends, and she came home for the holidays. About Thanksgiving she began talking about “a boy” she was dating, and by Christmas it was sounding serious. Thank goodness he was a good guy.

Jason was the nephew of a dear friend, who was also my second cousin. She'd told us she had a nephew going to school down in Thatcher, and they started hanging out soon after school started. By the middle of January they were officially boyfriend, girlfriend, unofficially engaged in March, and officially in April, planning their wedding for July.

The hardest part about Linnea's wedding was figuring out how to work with Lorrie, my ex-husband's wife. Linnea and I went over to her house one day to talk about plans. Her ideas were pretty extravagant. Lorrie owned her own wedding business, and she told us most weddings cost at least $25,000. I certainly didn't have that kind of money to spend, and had been thinking about something much simpler, where we did all the work, made the refreshments, and decorated the church cultural hall ourselves, spending maybe a thousand dollars, at most.

Linnea had specific ideas about what she wanted, but she didn't want to make her step-mother unhappy. I wanted Linnea to be happy, but I had a limited budget. Although Sheldon insisted we pay for half of the reception and he pay the other half, I talked him into letting me pay for Linnea's dress, her bouquet, and the refreshments, and letting Lori could do the decorations. I figured that way she could spend as much or as little as she wanted.

In the end, it worked much better than I had hoped, with no one getting their feelings hurt, but it was hard on Linnea since she really didn't get to do much her way. She wanted her colors to be yellow and black, but Lorrie couldn't find yellow dresses she liked so she bought her daughters and Alyssa and Holly olive green ones. At least Linnea's best friend, Becky, who was her bridesmaid, had a yellow dress, and I found adorable little yellow outfits for Kami and Krissi and a yellow dress for me. Lorrie decorated the cultural hall with so many flowers and plants and pillars and swings and fountains that it was like stepping into a lush, tropical garden, and it was lovely.

Linnea got married in the Mesa, Arizona Temple, which also presented it's own difficulties. To enter the Temple a Church member must be worthy, trying to be a true disciples of Jesus Christ and trying living all of His commandments. That entails loving each other and not having ill will for someone who is there. I believed I had forgiven Sheldon and harbored no bad feelings, but I still wondered if I was really going to be able to be in the Temple with him and Lorrie and feel right?

Linnea went to the Temple a few days before her wedding for the first time. She had invited her family and special friends to come with her. It was a beautiful evening, and I was pleased to find I felt comfortable and happy sitting next to Linnea's step-mother and across the isle from my ex-husband. Later that evening, though, I found my friend, Jean, in tears in the bathroom, trying to compose herself.

I put my arms around her and she started to sob.

“How can you do it, Gale?” she asked me when she finally got hold of herself. “How could you sit there next to that woman?”

I was startled. I hadn't realized that Jean would be having a hard time with this. Thinking about it, I realized this was the first time she had had to come to grips with Sheldon leaving me, and it was all fresh and painful for her. Jean had known me for a long time, and had been there when Sheldon and I got married in the Mesa Temple, almost exactly twenty years earlier.

Unlike me, she hadn't spent the last ten years trying to forgive him and going on with my life.

“You know, Jean,” I tried to explain. “I almost feel the same way towards Sheldon and Lorrie as I sometimes feel towards my kids. I honestly love them, but sometimes they do things that make me mad and I don't like them for it. But it's their actions I don't like, not they themselves.”

I had the chance to put my words in action during Linnea's reception. It was a long evening, and a little difficult standing in line for two hours next to Sheldon and Lorrie, but many special people came and it was wonderful to see them. Later in the evening when we were taking a break, sitting at a table and sipping punch, my Aunt Ejvor came and sat down next to me.

“You know, Gale,” she whispered in my ear, “when I shook Sheldon's hand he reached out and gave me a hug and said something about it being too long since we'd seen each other.” Aunt Ejvor gave me a wicked grin, and then continued. “It was all I could do not to knee him right there in front of everybody.”

I appreciated her telling me that. Even though I really wanted to have pure charity towards my ex-husband, somehow it made me feel good when other people told me he made them cross, too.