Dear Family,
This is, in many ways, a bittersweet moment for us all. For months we have been unable to really talk to dad, which has been very lonely. I don't know how things work on the other side of the veil, but in my heart I feel him close, and am so thankful for his presence. On the other hand, I miss seeing him, and will continue to miss him until we are reunited some day. I am so thankful for each of one of you, my family, for your love, for your prayers, for you kindness and examples and your friendship. We are the luckiest people in the world, because we have each other. Thank you!
I probably won't keep in touch with you as much as I should from now on, because I know me, and I know how time slips away and I procrastinate, but I will try to send updates form Snowflake occasionally. In the mean time, I love you!
This week following dad's passing has been hard, but we have also been blessed with many tender mercies.
For one, it was sweet that dad passed late on Christmas Eve, while most of our family was already here. It was a blessing that we were able to have our family smorgasbord, let Santa visit the kids, and all of us have a chance to tell dad goodbye before he died. Still, he was able to get home in time to wish his own father a happy birthday as well. (Remember, Grandpa Russell's birthday was on Christmas Eve.) Not that people on the other side of the veil keep track of time like we do, I don't suppose they are on mountain standard time, but it was sweet to think about dad being able to give his dad a hug on his birthday.
Another very tender mercy was that dad passed away so quickly. Most people with dementia linger on for years, and dad would have hated that. From the time Uncle Alan labeled him with dementia, it was only half a year before he passed. None of us wanted to loose him, especially not mom, but we were all so grateful he didn't have to suffer.
I went down to the mortuary this morning to give them the finished program for dad's funeral tomorrow, then I stopped by the church to practice playing the piano. I'm going to accompany the grandchildren when they sing “Did I Fill The World With Love?” I wish I could play as well when people are listening as I play when I am alone. I was thinking this as I practiced, and wishing that dad could hear the song the way I want it to be, to honor him, when the thought suddenly popped into my head that dad was there, sitting on the piano bench next to me. I thought, “It's just my imagination,” but then somehow I knew it wasn't. I just knew that dad was there, and for the few moments it took me to play the song for him, I basked in the warmth of his presence and talked to him. I told him I was playing this song for him, to honor him, because he spent his life trying to fill the world with love. I told him I loved him, and the tears streamed from my eyes, but my fingers knew where to go even though I could hardly see the music, and I played for dad the way I wanted to play. As I finished the lady who cleans the church walked into the chapel and came up to talk to me. When she left I knew dad was gone.
I am so grateful to Heavenly father for giving me the chance to play for my dad. I know he will be with us tomorrow as we celebrate his life, but it was so sweet to have a chance to be with him alone, myself, for just that tiny bit of time.
I pray that each of you, in your own way and in your own time, will have a chance to feel dad close to you, as well. He loved you all so much, and I know he wants each of you to know that.
I love you, too.
Aunt Gale
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